DOUBTING CARLO

Last Sunday (April 15, 2012), we celebrated the Feast of the Divine Mercy and the Gospel is about St. Thomas the Apostle or popularly known as "Doubting Thomas" because he refused to believe that the Lord Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead.

I was reflecting on the said Gospel in the past few days and I can't seem to write it down into my journal or even in this blog...wow! It's my first blog for 2012!!! I lost the time to write my thoughts in this blog and I think it would be a good resume my blogging with this reflection. In the past, I have been very doubtful of countless things, if you would know me sometimes I'm very pessimistic in some situations or even to other people I judge them easily without even taking time to know that person. In my reflection, I realized that being doubtful or pessimistic is a sign of lacking faith. Lacking faith in the sense that when I judge other people. I easily judge a new person who comes across me or I encounter, I usually say "Mukhang di maganda ugali niya" when in the mere fact I haven't given that person the chance to introduce himself/herself to me totally or the chance to get to know him better. When I say that, I lack the faith in that person and his/her capabilities -- I doubt immediately. When a certain task is assign to me especially in the office and I immediately react that I can't do it or it's impossible for me to do that because first, I'm not a natural born sales person, I'm a biologist. With that pessimism, I lack faith to the person who entrusted that task to me and I even lack the faith to myself also and my own capabilities because I haven't tried to do that job -- I doubt at myself and to the people who trust me. Lastly, I sometimes lack faith in God when I encounter a very depressing moment in my life or when trials come across me and it seems impossible to solve, I lack faith in God -- I doubt God's mysterious way of loving me. Lacking faith in God is probably the most shameful thing to do, because I lack the faith to the one who loves me from the beginning and who created me. I sometimes complain to God why I encounter this kinds of problem and ask "am I not a good servant to the Master?" In the end, I realize that problems are part of our daily life, a test of faith from God. When a master tries to test a servant's faithfulness, he would make a task to test that servant, now if that servant passes that task, the master would conclude that the person can be trusted and truly faithful. Let's take the story of Abraham and Job as our example. In the present, I now take my problems as a test from God to keep my faith in Him because even though I cannot see Him, I feel His presence within me and around me. When I can't seem to bear the problem, I would feel a tight embrace around me and telling me that I can do it and Boom! I found solutions to that problems and I was able to use it to help others who experienced the similar situations in life.

In the end of the day, I always wonder why am I very pessimistic? I also found out that pride has a big contribution in doubt, because sometimes we only think that we can do it we don't need any help from anyone or to the Divine. Lesson learned, always learn to be humble, meek and prudent so that we may not be doubtful of the things or to anyone we encounter, because we don't know that the one we're doubting is actually a blessing in disguise.

I hope my brief reflection would also help you. God Bless =)