THE HEART AND THE CROSS: THE LIFE OF ST. CLARE OF THE CROSS, OSA (PART 3)

The time came for Clare to receive her first Holy Communion, she would finally receive Jesus Christ who is present in the Eucharist. Unfortunately, she forgot to bring her veil due to much excitement to receive Christ in the Eucharist. Giovanna did not allow Clare to receive Communion because she has no veil. Clare cried and prostrated herself in front of the altar and asked forgiveness to God. The Child Jesus appeared to her and embraced her and kissed her forehead. Clare was immediately filled with joy because the One she wishes to accept and embrace, Christ comforted Clare by embracing her. Clare forgot to wear her veil again in Holy Communion and once again denied to receive Holy Communion. After the Mass, she proceeds to her cell and there she cried and poured her sorrow to the Lord Jesus. Suddenly, the Lord appeared to her wearing priestly vestments and He was surrounded by angels. The Lord gave Clare His Body and Blood in the form of bread and wine.

     The Spirtual communion of St. Clare of the Cross, OSA

The Establishment of the new Hermitage

The hermitage of Giovanna became very popular especially Giovanna and Clare because of their holiness. May young women seek admission to the hermitage. The hermitage that Damiano built has only eight members: Giovanna, Clare, Adriola, Thomasia, Marina, Paula, Illuminata and Agnes. The hermitage building is very small and cannot accommodate the increasing number of members in the hermitage. They made an option of enlarging the hermitage or building a new one. The sisters prayed to God for guidance and right discernment. Their prayers rises to heaven and Giovanna saw a vision that God wants them to built a new hermitage. The sign was that Giovanna would see a big cross and on its foot are beautiful young ladies. Giovanna looked outside the window and saw a big cross with many precious stones and on its foot were beautiful young ladies. The spot where she saw the sign was the former site of the Convent of St. Catherine of Alexandria. Giovanna immediately informed the sisters and her confessor about the sign. But persecution came to Giovanna because many people doubts her sanctity and some even told her that she's just elevating herself by making a religious Order. Many persecutions came but Giovanna did not lose hope. Giovanna gathered the sisters and discussed the plan to establish the new hermitage. A majority of votes declared that a new hermitage would be established.

In 1282, Damiano died leaving the hermitage building undone. It has no roofing to protect them from the hostile environment. Clare was fourteen at that time. The sisters had a hard time living in the unfinished hermitage. 

Clare was assigned as the collector of Alms

In the year 1284, Clare was 16 years old at that time. The nuns in the hermitage sustain themselves by working inside the hermitage like gardening, where they also get their food and plants to sell. Three years after, the number of nuns in the hermitage grew to twenty. Giovanna asked a miracle to God with the nuns' help. Giovanna and the other nuns decided that there would be one in their community who would collect the alms for them. The nuns find it difficult to volunteer because they are cloistered religious and not used to begging in the streets like the Dominican and Franciscan friars.

Clare volunteered to collect the alms, but Giovanna rejected her desire because Clare is still young and wants her to be with her inside the hermitage. Clare approached her confessor, Fr. Mariano de Coliforito. Fr. Mariano approved Clare's desire to collect the alms and the Bishop also agreed upon Fr. Mariano's consultation. Giovanna finally allowed Clare to collect the alms and Clare prayed on the foot of the cross and thank God for allowing her to collect the alms. Clare asked Giovanna's blessing upon living the hermitage and prayed to God that she would not violate the policy of the hermitage like looking straight in the eye a man. Clare is accompanied by Marina, a sister in the hermitage. They would go out of the hermitage with their habits and a veil covering their face and barefooted. They knock the doors of the homes they pass and ask for food and once a generous donor gives them food or anything that would help the nuns and Clare would kiss the ground and thank the donor. Clare does not enter the house of the donors when she collects the alms.

THE HEART AND THE CROSS: THE LIFE OF ST. CLARE OF THE CROSS OF MONTEFALCO, OSA (PART 2)

The oldest portrait of St. Clare of the Cross, OSA

The Life of St. Clare inside the hermitage

Clare began to be very obedient to the rules inside the hermitage. There are seven rules to follow by the sisters in the community and Clare was very obedient to them. What are these rules? 1. Their minds must always be focused on God; 2. Never look at a man straight in the eye so that they may preserve their chastity; 3. Be obedient to their Superiors; 4. Observe Holy Silence at all times; 5. Avoid any imperfections; 6. Humble themselves by reflection; and 7. Never eat meat or any food that would delight their taste. Some of it are very hard to follow but Clare obediently obeyed them as a sign of sacrifice and love for the Lord.

One evening, Giovanna woke up at midnight to pray at the oratory, Giovanna asked Clare to accompany her in prayer and told her to sit in one of the chairs in the oratory until Giovanna gives her the permission to leave. Another evening, Giovanna woke up at midnight to pray and Clare accompanied her as usual. After praying, Giovanna forgot to give permission to Clare who was still sitting in the oratory because her Sister did not gave her the permission to leave. That is one example of Clare's obedience.

Clare became obedient also to her sisters in the monastery especially during collection of food and alms outside the hermitage. When asking for alms, she wears a habit made from wool that the sisters wear when not doing their chores.

Clare also lived a life of sacrifice. When Clare was twelve years old, she walks inside the hermitage barefooted. During the late hours of the night, while her sisters are asleep, she flogs herself sometimes until she's severely wounded. She sleeps on the floor even though she has a bed or sometimes she would sleep on a chair while resting her head against the wall. She always fast, like for example she eats only a small portion of bread at consumes tasteless soup and drinks water only. Clare performs this act of penance to that she could be very close to God and to imitate also the sufferings of Christ that caused our salvation.

One time, Clare violated the rule of the grand silence of the hermitage when she talked to their mother, Iacopa without the permission of her Sister Giovanna. She made penance by walking barefooted in the snow and prayed one hundred "Our Fathers".

Clare also wants to see and experience the Passion of the Lord. During the canonical hours when the Divine Office is said, she sees the passion of the Lord. The following are the timeline of what part of the Passion St. Clare sees:

5:00am - The Lord being scourged

6:00am - Pilate presents Jesus to the crowd (Ecce Homo)

9:00am - Jesus carries the Cross to Calvary

12:00nn - Jesus is nailed to the Cross

3:00pm - Jesus dies on the Cross

5:00pm - Jesus is taken down from the cross

8:00pm - Jesus is buried

THE HEART AND THE CROSS: THE LIFE OF ST. CLARE OF THE CROSS OF MONTEFALCO, OSA (PART 1)

A sketch of St. Clare of the Cross, OSA by the blogger

I would like to share with you the life of the Patroness of Pasay City and those people afflicted with heart ailments and who are losing hope. Our Patroness is St. Clare of the Cross of Montefalco, she is an Augustinian nun who lived a remarkably holy life. Who is St. Clare of the Cross? Here in the Philippines, she is often mistaken to be St. Clare of Assisi, the foundress of the Poor Clares and the friend of St. Francis of Assisi. Even here in our parish, many offer eggs for good weather and I saw one small chapel in the vicinity of the Parish who has the image of St. Clare of Assisi. She is not popular here in the Philippines because there are only two parishes who venerates her as Patroness, ours here in Pasay and another one in Caniogan, Pasig City. She is the first Augustinian nun to be canonized by the Church but St.Rita of Cascia is the most popular Augustinian nun. Now, let us explore and contemplate on the life of St. Clare of Montefalco, OSA.

The Time when St. Clare of Montefalco was born

Twelve years before the birth of St. Clare (1268), Italy was in a time of war, a time when there was discrimination of the elite to the poor at many chaotic events in society. When Clare was born, peace begins to return to Italy. St. Clare was born in Montefalco in the Province of Umbria, Italy on the year 1268 to Damiano and Iacopa. She had an older Sister Giovanna (also known as Joan), Teodorrucia (who died in infancy) and Francesco.

A sign before the town proper of Montefalco

The town of Montefalco, Italy

The Childhood of St. Clare

When Clare was still a child, she loves to pray. Often she would pray from three to four hours in a very far place from their house or in a silent part inside their home. Clare desired to enter the hermitage of her sister Giovanna, but she was only six years old at that time when she told it to her elder sister, but Giovanna said that in due time she can enter the hermitage when she is older. 

One day, when Clare was praying she saw the Blessed Mother and the Child Jesus who was about her age inside her room, she ran towards the Child Lord to embrace Him but the Child Lord ran towards His Mother and hid under the mantle of the Blessed Mother. From that day on, Clare began to pray harder so that she may become very close to the Lord and embrace Him. Clare consecrated her life totally to God on that day.

The vision of St. Clare with the Mother and Child

Clare enters the hermitage of her sister Giovanna

When Clare was six years old, she told her sister Giovanna that she would like to be admitted to her hermitage but Giovanna rejected her desire because she was very young. Clare told Giovanna that she would  be very obedient to her and help around in her hermitage with the fellow sisters. Clare prayed unceasingly to God and asked Him that Giovanna would allow her to enter the hermitage. Giovanna promised Clare that she would admit her in due time.

A hermitage is a house where young women lives when they chose not to marry. Some daughters may even request to their father to build her the hermitage where she can pray and live a simple life. In the case of Giovanna, Damiano, their father built her a hermitage near their house. By that time, Giovanna's hermitage doesn't have a Rule to follow (i.e. Rule of St. Augustine or St. Benedict).

The devil tried to deceive Clare in her young age to prevent her from joining Giovanna's hermitage. Sometimes the devil would disguise himself as Giovanna or any sister in the hermitage and discourage Clare to enter the hermitage, but Clare prayed unceasingly and the devil did not won because of Clare's faith. The devil tried to deceive Clare again by disguising as an old woman who told Clare that she would be like her younger sister Teodoruccia who died from childbirth but Clare fought the devil by saying the Name of the Lord and by making the sign of the cross.

When Clare passed the devil's deceit, she finally was admitted to the hermitage but only as an "observer" because she was too young. Divine Providence came to Clare when Thomas Angeli, then Bishop of Spoleto gave his blessing to Giovanna and to the other nuns to establish the hermitage. When the Bishop saw the little Clare, he asked her about her faith and desire to become a nun. Clare answered with wisdom and the Bishop also saw the humility of the little Clare and asked the Holy Spirit for guidance and finally told Giovanna to accept Clare as part of the community of nuns, thus ending her "observer" period. After that event, Giovanna was elected Mother Abbess (Superior) of the hermitage.

St. Clare (left) and her sister Giovanna (right)

Reference:

1. "The Life of St. Clare of Montefalco"by Rev. Fr. Joseph Locke, OSA

2. Photos courtesy of http://www.augmalta.org/english/iconography/saints.htm

IF I COULD TOUCH YOU (Gospel Reflection for Mark 5:21-43)

If I could touch you. I entitled this reflection based from the song "If I could touch you" by Bukas Palad Music Ministry. All of us encounter an "If I could touch you" moment especially if we have a loved one who is very far from us. We also say "If I could touch you" when we lost someone we love. The Gospel today focuses on two great faiths, the man with a sick daughter and the woman with hemorrhage. Faith is the main focus of our Gospel for this Sunday. Faith actually sustains us, it gives us life and hope during difficult moments in our life. Faith gives us the courage to face difficult situations in our life. Let us now reflect the faith of the two characters in this Gospel. First is the woman with the hemorrhage for twelve years. Hemorrhage is very dangerous condition because it is an internal bleeding. The woman's faith drove her to pass to the thick crowd following Jesus and hope with just one touch of Jesus' cloak she may be healed. We all have this kind of situation, we are sometimes prevented by a large crowds from going to Christ. That crowd is our problems, we tend to give up sometimes to the problems we encounter in life but the eagerness or zeal caused by our faith let's us push through and approach Jesus because He's the only source of our consolation. We bleed inside of us when we encounter problems but when we touch Jesus, our problems gradually disappears. We really touch Christ when we receive Holy Communion during Mass because we receive Him completely.

Second, the faith of the father who had a very ill daughter. As soon as Jesus arrives, he pleaded Him to heal the daughter but some said the girl had died. We encounter times when we say, we are dead because we lost hope. Yet inside, Jesus speaks to us and reiterates the words He said to the father of the girl, "Do not be afraid, just believe." Jesus strengthens us, He knows our weak points in life but gives us the courage to overcome those weaknesses. May we all be awaken by the faith in Christ and be not afraid for there is a God who listens as we believe in Him.

IT'S A FAIRLY ODD BLOG :)

You  may find this article rather silly because I used one of my favorite cartoons, "The Fairly Odd Parents", I'm 20 years old turning 21 but I still enjoy watching cartoons. It keeps me young hahaha!  While watching this cartoon, I remembered one episode of  "The Fairly Odd Parents" when Timmy Turner wished that he and Trixie Tang (his crush) to be the only living  person in the universe (exempting of course his fairies or else he could not wish for anything). At the beginning, Timmy finds it enjoying to be with the one you love or had a crush on. They spend time together and do stuffs together, at that time Timmy was Trixie's boyfriend (of course, who else on the universe would she choose). Trixie was just after the attention given to her, most boys would say "Gosh, your pretty!" or most of her schoolmates (including Timmy) would look up to her because she's the most popular girl in school, everybody wants to be like her, every boy wants her to be their girlfriend.   In that episode, Timmy admired Trixie with the usual "Gosh, your pretty!" just to please the person that he loved . At first, Timmy  enjoyed her company but soon, Trixie gets paranoid during the absence of Timmy like for example Timmy just went to the bathroom and Trixie thought, Timmy met a girl inside the boy's bathroom. Eventually, Timmy gets scared of Trixie because she's so paranoid that at some point, Trixie would do harm on Timmy. When Trixie got hold of Timmy, Timmy tried to bite his arm off so that he could escape Trixie.

What am I trying to point out  in this blog? Love is never jealous of anything according to St. Paul. Love is when we are happy for the person we loved and even when it hurts we must still accept it. Like Jesus Christ, our Lord, He loved each one of us and He suffered so that we may be happy in God's friendship again. Let's not long for admiration or praises for what we have done or what we look like in front of other people, Christ appeared in a very humiliating form in the cross and he didn't received any admiration but rather insults so that we could be happy in God's love and friendship. Let us not force ourselves to what we think is our destiny, like Timmy, he thought Trixie would be his destiny, but rather in the end he tries to escape from her. We too, when we force ourselves to the "destiny" we consider in life or be another person, in the end we could end  up biting our arm off or escaping from that situation.

Watching cartoon is really not that bad to watch (let's just be alert to some cartoons with adult themes)  because it shows our youth that we cannot be what we sometimes can be and learn good values as a person . Let God handle our life because He knows our needs in life.

                                  A scene from  that episode that inspired me to make this blog

GLORY TO THE TRIUNE GOD!! (Gospel Reflection for Trinity Sunday - Mt. 28:16-20)

Today, we celebrate the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity. It is one of the mysteries of the Catholic Christian Faith. The Trinity is that there is one God but has three persons: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Many non-catholic brethren questions this teaching of the Holy Catholic Church. It is very difficult to explain, even St. Augustine, a very wise and well known Theologian had a very hard time discovering it. In one story, Augustine was walking in the seashore trying to figure out how to explain fully the doctrine of the Most Holy Trinity. He saw a child digging a hole in the sand and transferring the water from the sea to the small hole. Augustine asked: "what are you doing, child?" then the child replied, "I'm going to put the waters of the sea to this small hole" and then Augustine realized that the doctrine of the of the Most Holy Trinity is so broad that no human mind can explain.

In today's Gospel, Matthew tells the story of the ascension. Among the four evangelists, he sites one basis of our doctrine of the Holy Trinity. "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit" (Mt. 28:19). All of us are called disciples of Christ, we share the mission He entrusted to the disciples. We Christians are commissioned to baptize in the name of the Most Holy Trinity. We are called to preach the good news. May we all have a fruitful Trinity Sunday.

FORMATION IN A COCOON

I am very fascinated in our world that is one of the reason why I took up BS Biology in College as my degree. The world we live in are full of mysteries and for me one mystery that I kept on asking How is the metamorphosis growth of animals especially of insects. Metamorphosis is defined as a biological process by which an animal physically develops after birth or hatching, involving a conspicuous and relatively abrupt change in the animal's body structure through cell growth and differentiation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metamorphosis).  Many insects uses this kind of growth and one famous insect is the butterfly. We all know that butterflies start as caterpillars then they stay in a cocoon, pupa or chrysalis and finally into a fully grown butterfly that has colorful wings and graceful flight. What is interesting or very mysterious to me is how a caterpillar turns into a beautiful butterfly inside its chrysalis? According to references, differentiation or development of immature cells happen inside the chrysalis. When a caterpillar is fully grown, it sheds a "skin" and attaches itself to a twig or leaf and there the pupal stage of the butterfly may begin. As I reflect on the butterfly's growth, I placed myself in the butterfly's position. All of us must grow, it is one of the characteristics of an organism. Yes, we grow. We get taller, our voice changes or grows especially for boys, etc. But above all this growth, there is another kind of growth that an organism especially a human develops and that is the growth in personality and attitude. I confess that I am not fully developed when it comes to personality and attitude even at my age. I'm 20 years old but I act as if I'm 12 years old especially when I'm very happy. In the end, some people get annoyed at me because of how the way I act. "Makulit" in Tagalog. I act like a child and for me it's very hard to change or act maturely. I'm very immature that's why I'm very sensitive and I cannot accept my mistakes or even realities in life. I am not a fully grown butterfly even though I'm about to celebrate my 21st birthday this coming August. I lack the maturity of interacting with the people around me, I lack the maturity of accepting my own faults and the realities of life. 

God has given me people to grow maturely, who will help me grow inside my chrysalis. I can say I am a fully grown caterpillar and about to enter my pupal stage of development. I must shed my own habits or my own life. I must shed the immaturity of my life and move on to the next phase of my development as an organism. I have encountered people who restrains me on doing my "makulit" habits like talking loudly and moving too much. I have to thank them for they have helped me realize my wrong doings and how I can have a good relationship with others. I must act as an adult butterfly now, I'm not getting younger as the days past by. I'm ready to enter a new chapter in my life and I pray that God may strengthen me to enter that chapter. i know He will never abandon me, He uses instruments to guide me. I must learn to be humble to accept my own faults (mea culpa) and learn to be a mature individual. To those whom I've done wrong or I have offended, I ask for forgiveness and for those who has and are helping me to grow. I thank you very much. It's time for this caterpillar to enter another stage of his metamorphosis so that I can reveal the beauty inside me. God bless you all =D

The Mission (A reflection for Ascencsion Sunday Mk. 16:15-20)

I enjoy listening to the soundtrack of "The Mission", a film about the mission of the Jesuits in Paraguay during the reign of Spain. I just love listening to it, it has a mixture of emotions: joy, sorrow and triumph. I haven't watched the full movie but I saw some significant clips from the film and one scene that really moved me was when invaders attacked the mission area of the Jesuits they made a procession from their small chapel bearing the Blessed Sacrament by Fr. Gabriel and the natives pray as they process along the route. Some natives were even shot by the bullets of the invaders and finally hitting Fr. Gabriel and died. One native picked-up the monstrance and led the other natives to continue their procession. In my mind I said "Mission Accomplished".

This Sunday, we celebrate the Ascension of the Lord Jesus Christ into heaven 40 days after His resurrection. The first reading and the Gospel are parallel for this Sunday because both proclaims the glorious ascension of Christ. Jesus entrusted to the apostles the mission to spread the Gospel and make disciples unto the ends of the Earth. As present disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, the mission has been passed to us by the grace of our baptism.

As I ponder on the movie "The Mission", I ask myself "is it really difficult to become a missionary?" First, you will be very far from your family or to your homeland in case you are assigned in a mission abroad. Second, learning to cope or adjust to the culture of your mission territory. Last, you should be willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of the salvation of the souls of those you administer the mission. Going back to the Gospel, I can see what the Lord meant in Mark 16:17-18. In my reflection, the demons referred by Jesus are the "demons" of the old ways of our life or the sin we have committed, we personally cast out that "demon" when we repent our sins and invoke the name of Jesus to forgive and have mercy on us. Speaking in every tongue is another gift, speaking in other tongues means that we are called to communicate with each other and bring the good news to others. Missionaries abroad have learned to speak the native tongue of their mission area but all of us understand one language and that is the language of love and faith, which is not only spoken but also seen. We are not harmed by poison because we believe in our God. It's not the literal poison or toxin that would harm us but I am referring to the poison of our problems, burdens and trials that we meet as we journey this life. We are not harmed by those "poisons" because we have an antidote inside of us that will protect us from those poisons and that antidote is God who dwells in  us. Lastly, a believer heals the sick when he/she lays a hand to a sick brethren and pray to God for the recovery of the brethren. But we also heal our brethren who is sick spiritually and emotionally by embracing them at times when they feel alone, holding each other's hands and praying for each other for a spiritual or emotional healing.

We are called to be Christian missionaries, some are called for an extraordinary mission like the characters in "The Mission" or missionaries abroad and here in our own country. But all of us have a common mission to proclaim God's love and to love one another as true brothers and sisters in Christ. God bless us all.

(here is the mission soundtrack by Ennio Morricone from youtube)

"BE NOT AFRAID...I AM TOTALLY YOURS"

                 Blessed John Paul II and Mama Mary

"Be not afraid" and "I am totally Yours", these are the two  most popular words by Blessed John Paul II. He often used these words to strengthen our faith. There are many times when we become weak because of the trials that come to us, we cannot stop it from coming because it's God's way of testing our faith. Blessed John Paul II provides us a statement to be strong in faith "Be not afraid", these words appear in the Bible many times like when the Archangel Gabriel announced to the Blessed Mother that she would be the Mother of our Savior. Here we can see Mary's faith to the God because she knows that the Lord will not abandon her because she has an important mission. Let's imitate our Blessed Mother, putting all of her trust to the Lord who is ever loving and protective. Let's imitate our Blessed Mother's faith. Let's not be afraid, let's just say to those problem that "my God is powerful, I am ready to face you because I know that the Lord is with me, he will never abandon me."

How many times in the past did we say to God "I am totally Yours"? Have we given ourselves totally to God and to our Blessed Mother? Blessed John Paul II has an enormous devotion to our Blessed Mother consecrating himself totally to the Mother of God, who is the perfect example of a true Christian life. Let's be like Blessed John Paul II, let's also put our trust to our Blessed Mother because she will continue to guide us in our life so that we may be more close to her Son, Jesus. Let us also be like Mary, the handmaid of the Lord who accepted God's will without any hesitation. Let us also remember that when we do God's will, the Good Lord will provide us the joy that no one else can give. Remember also that God said "I am totally yours until the end of time", so why worry? The Lord keeps His promise my dear brothers and sisters. Let's always remember "Be not afraid, the Lord is with me until the end of time." God Bless.

DOUBTING CARLO

Last Sunday (April 15, 2012), we celebrated the Feast of the Divine Mercy and the Gospel is about St. Thomas the Apostle or popularly known as "Doubting Thomas" because he refused to believe that the Lord Jesus Christ has been raised from the dead.

I was reflecting on the said Gospel in the past few days and I can't seem to write it down into my journal or even in this blog...wow! It's my first blog for 2012!!! I lost the time to write my thoughts in this blog and I think it would be a good resume my blogging with this reflection. In the past, I have been very doubtful of countless things, if you would know me sometimes I'm very pessimistic in some situations or even to other people I judge them easily without even taking time to know that person. In my reflection, I realized that being doubtful or pessimistic is a sign of lacking faith. Lacking faith in the sense that when I judge other people. I easily judge a new person who comes across me or I encounter, I usually say "Mukhang di maganda ugali niya" when in the mere fact I haven't given that person the chance to introduce himself/herself to me totally or the chance to get to know him better. When I say that, I lack the faith in that person and his/her capabilities -- I doubt immediately. When a certain task is assign to me especially in the office and I immediately react that I can't do it or it's impossible for me to do that because first, I'm not a natural born sales person, I'm a biologist. With that pessimism, I lack faith to the person who entrusted that task to me and I even lack the faith to myself also and my own capabilities because I haven't tried to do that job -- I doubt at myself and to the people who trust me. Lastly, I sometimes lack faith in God when I encounter a very depressing moment in my life or when trials come across me and it seems impossible to solve, I lack faith in God -- I doubt God's mysterious way of loving me. Lacking faith in God is probably the most shameful thing to do, because I lack the faith to the one who loves me from the beginning and who created me. I sometimes complain to God why I encounter this kinds of problem and ask "am I not a good servant to the Master?" In the end, I realize that problems are part of our daily life, a test of faith from God. When a master tries to test a servant's faithfulness, he would make a task to test that servant, now if that servant passes that task, the master would conclude that the person can be trusted and truly faithful. Let's take the story of Abraham and Job as our example. In the present, I now take my problems as a test from God to keep my faith in Him because even though I cannot see Him, I feel His presence within me and around me. When I can't seem to bear the problem, I would feel a tight embrace around me and telling me that I can do it and Boom! I found solutions to that problems and I was able to use it to help others who experienced the similar situations in life.

In the end of the day, I always wonder why am I very pessimistic? I also found out that pride has a big contribution in doubt, because sometimes we only think that we can do it we don't need any help from anyone or to the Divine. Lesson learned, always learn to be humble, meek and prudent so that we may not be doubtful of the things or to anyone we encounter, because we don't know that the one we're doubting is actually a blessing in disguise.

I hope my brief reflection would also help you. God Bless =)